The Twelve Days Of Sodom
One of my first 911 calls

Guy calls at about 3 pm. He said he took some medication and thinks there’s a problem. He’s really reluctant to give me details. After explaining to him that it’s kind of a big deal that I know and relay to the EMTs what’s going on, he tells me that he took some Viagra or whatever dick pill it was and he’s had an erection for 6 hours. He’s really embarrassed.

Once I finally get him relaxed I get the rest of his information.

Male, like 25, 500+ pounds, and his medical history.

I send the call to the rescue station. He then lets me know that he has a dog, but he’ll have his mom put it in the bathroom, and he’ll be in his hospital bed in his living room.

I just realized how fucked up my Osama Bin Laden wood burning looks sitting above my AK.

Finally get to relax.

Finally get to relax.

If a street ends in a nice neighborhood it’s a cul-de-sac, if it ends in a bad neighborhood it’s a dead end.
Adam Carolla

My room mate’s gonna be in Baltimore for the next 3 days.

That means I get to walk around in my Hooters shorts and play Bongzilla as loud as I want.

Gotta go back up to that fucking Homeland Security place tomorrow. Shit’s gonna fucking blow. I hope I can at least beat the traffic there. I’m sure it’ll take me 3 hours to get home no matter what.

I can’t wait to not JO tonight because my fucking older brother is staying at my house.

Now my schedule is gonna be all fucked up.

I’ve got $36 until I get paid on Friday.

Fuck it I’m ordering pizza.